‘Heart Eyes’ Review: A Slasher Without a Beating Heart
‘Heart Eyes’ combines a Valentine’s day rom-com with a traditional slasher, but neither side of the coin creates any luck for the film.
In keeping with the seemingly hot tradition of strange, twisted, decidedly inappropriate Valentine’s Day movies for similarly off-kilter couples to see over the holiday, Heart Eyes is certainly… another one. That’s about all it can say for itself, as this attempted merging of the romcom and slasher genres ultimately leaves the same impact as the one slightly out-of-date piece of Valentine’s candy you forgot was still in the bag. It won’t do any damage to consume, but it’s probably not going to taste very good.
In Heart Eyes, Olivia Holt plays Ally, a pitch designer in the wake of a breakup, whose career is on the rocks after the premiere of her failed commercial. She’s forced to collaborate with Jay Simmons (Mason Gooding), a designer who seems to take a romantic interest in her despite Ally’s jaded views on love. When the two go on a business dinner/date, they’re stalked by the Heart Eyes Killer (or just Heart Eyes), who’s terrorized the nation for years by slaughtering couples on Valentine’s Day.
As mentioned, Heart Eyes seeks to work as both a slasher flick and a legitimate romantic comedy, which is an admirable effort on paper. Unfortunately, while the film’s integration of these genres is mostly competent, both sides of this coin are very generic even on their own. On the romantic side, Ally and Jay are not that convincing a couple. It’s not impossible to see them together given their chemistry, but there isn’t that much time devoted to them genuinely bonding to a point where a proper romance makes sense. Or, at least, a proper romance that blossoms so quickly into the level of love they feel for each other over the course of just one night.
These two have a few moments of sincere connection, particularly when they spend some time in Ally’s home reflecting over a dinner filled with ups and downs. But the dinner itself is rife with them squabbling over their careers and outlooks on life. This is all you get before Heart Eyes shows up and sends things into chaos. By that point, you’re already expected to believe the love interests would put their lives on the line for one another – and proclaim their outright love for one another – despite still barely knowing each other. Obviously, if you’ve got the stomach for some good old romantic cheese – especially within the heightened environment of a slasher comedy – you’ll probably roll with all this much better.
Or, if Heart Eyes was attempting to outright riff or parody that cheese, that could work too. After all, plenty of lines, performances, and cinematography choices (courtesy of Stephen Murphy) add a very clearly intentional camp to the entire experience, the kind that you may expect to see in a full-on satire. But when the film gets dramatic, it’s clear you’re supposed to take Ally’s arc and her connection with Jay seriously, which is where the film majorly falls short. Director Josh Ruben’s style has a clear comedic charm, but he’s at his best when his given scripts lean more heavily into that comedy and less into actual emotional weight… or, unfortunately, scares.
As a slasher film, Heart Eyes is equally generic. The fact it’s taken this long to even start talking about the horror components should say a lot about how forgettable they are. It’s not poorly shot or excessively watered down, and it has three really effective, memorable kills. But there are no thrills or suspense to be found here that you couldn’t find in greater supply in other, better slashers. There’s no amazing flair, haunting atmosphere, or even clever sequences outside of a couple of well-done jump-scares. Even when the film presents the interesting setup of Heart Eyes openly stalking his way through a drive-in movie, the tension just isn’t very palpable.
The same goes for Heart Eyes himself, who doesn’t stand out in any way in his design (even with his… well, heart eyes), methods, nor motivations. The latter is kept a mystery to be revealed at the end like a Scream movie, but it’s paper-thin at best and has nothing to offer outside of some enjoyably bonkers performances. On that note, every actor is at least really good. Whether they’re playing their part straightforward or in exaggerated fashion, what little memorability the film provides is thanks to the performances bringing these subpar characters to life.
It's understandable how Heart Eyes can be seen as enjoyable by a majority of critics and audiences alike. There’s very little about it that can be called fundamentally broken, obnoxious, or poorly put together. But at the same time, despite its fusion of horror, romance, comedy, and mystery, there’s nothing exceptional about it whatsoever. It fails as a romance and blurs into a gory mush as a horror movie. Whether you’re looking for a date movie that warms the heart, makes it pound with suspense, or both, there are far better options out there this Valentine’s Day.